Draft 3 of 7 · after Paris, 1789
Declaration of the Rights of the Residents of Schofields
The representatives of the people of Schofields, believing that ignorance, neglect or contempt of the local footpath are the sole causes of public misfortune, have resolved to set forth in a solemn declaration the natural and sacred rights of the resident.
Article 1. Residents are born and remain free and equal in rights. Article 2. The aim of every association is the preservation of a quiet Sunday morning. Article 3. Sovereignty resides in the people of Schofields, and in nobody from the next suburb over.